The Way Love Is
by jade
Summary: AU. One-shot. Meiling has always been in love with Syaoran but Syaoran falls for someone else. Meiling is left with the only person who can offer her comfort. The world can seem so cold sometimes without someone to hold your hand.


I think this is another one of those one-shots that got written because of some random comment that either Teresa or I made. (It's been awhile so I can't quite remember who exactly made the comment that sparked the idea.) This is an AU one-shot, so none of that magical childhood stuff happened. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura or the characters within.

Warnings: Um…angst.

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The Way Love Is

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I hate her.

I suppose that isn't fair. But I do! It's not fair! She gets everything! Everything that I could possibly want, she has. Not me. She sits there, gazing out the window of the classroom, probably daydreaming about her perfect boyfriend and her perfect life and I have to sit here daydreaming about what it would be like to have a perfect boyfriend…her boyfriend.

It isn't really fair to say that she's a bad person. She isn't. In fact, she's so nice that I sometimes feel bad for even thinking that I hate her. She doesn't even know why I hate her sometimes.

It was probably obvious when I knew that his feelings were not on me at all but on her, the pretty girl with green eyes and brown hair. She was pretty, even when I want to say that she was ugly and fat to boot. I thought of myself as a bit more exotic, with my beautifully shaped brown eyes and black hair. Most people told me I was really pretty and I got notes and calls every day from boys asking if I'd like to get a bite to eat after school got out or go to the movies that weekend.

Declining was fun. It made me feel beautiful that not only did people want to be with me, but I had the power to decline and not be affected at all by it. You would think that someone who was rejected as I was would feel bad. But I don't. My cousin always says that it's just like me not to feel bad. He worries about me sometimes, asking me if I'm really okay or if I'm really happy and I just ignore him and say, "Of course I am! Why are you asking me such a weird question?"

What I want to say is something like, "Why would you care?! Do you pity me now or something?!"

I couldn't stand it if he was just taking pity on me. I would just roll over and die if that was the truth. Maybe he knows that, so he tries to hide it. But sometimes I still see him watching me very carefully as I get ready to go out for the night and he has to ask.

"Are you really happy Meiling?" His chocolate-brown eyes locked into my eyes in the mirror. He would never wait for me to turn around; he would just look at me in the mirror. I always wondered if it was because he didn't dare look me straight in the eyes.

"Of course I am!" I declared with a little laugh but I could see in his eyes that he knew I was lying. But why does he have to ask? Doesn't he know that he's the reason I'm so unhappy?

He should, he broke my heart to my face. When we got to high school, I became so popular, everyone wanted to be my friend. I was good at lots of things. It's weird how some people make lots of friends and others don't make as many friends.

Syaoran, my cousin, the first and only boy I've ever been in love with would usually try to skulk off and try not to get noticed but I'd always want to share my new found popularity with him. I'd run up and jump on him and everyone would say how cute we were, like we were a real couple! And I always thought that if enough people said it, it would become true.

That's when I noticed _her_. Kinomoto Sakura. She seemed harmless at first, she was so naïve and nice. I didn't even think about it at first when Syaoran became friends with her. (Especially since she was one of Hiragizawa Eriol's friends. That's how they met; Syaoran and Eriol were friendly rivals and so Syaoran began to hang out with Eriol and his friends.) Besides, there was always that other girl.

I always thought Tomoyo was nice. She had big soft purple eyes and pretty dark hair. Tomoyo was always with Sakura, like one of Sakura's arms or legs. She often had a video camera with her, taping every move that Sakura made. I thought Tomoyo was just sweet like that.

But Syaoran didn't like very many of my new friends who liked to talk about parties and makeup and gossip about who was going out with who. So he spent more and more time with Eriol.

When I noticed the way he looked at Sakura, I instantly became jealous. He never looked at me that way! And I had known him the longest! He was supposed to fall in love with me, the pretty girl he had always known who didn't drop him for her new friends. Yes, stick in there Meiling, because perseverance and determination always come out on top!

But that's not true.

And now I'm watching Kinomoto Sakura in class, looking out the window, thinking of Syaoran. Her boyfriend. Not mine. Not the popular Meiling's boyfriend. I was the first person to know, even before Sakura's constant companion Tomoyo.

It was my birthday party; I had been so excited because I had gotten a new dress that I thought might finally make Syaoran realize he should confess his love for me. (Something I clung to without the slightest bit of encouragement from Syaoran. Perseverance and determination!) Maybe it wouldn't be that bad of a memory if it hadn't been my birthday as well. It should have been happy. If Sakura wasn't so selfish--! Yes, it had to be _her _fault.

I had just blown out the candles on the cake. (Wishing of course that Syaoran and I would be together forever.) Everyone got a piece, and I, because I was the birthday girl, got the biggest piece.

"Your cake was so pretty, it's almost a shame that we have to eat it." Tomoyo smiled before taking her first bite. I had invited Eriol and his friends because I knew Syaoran would be more inclined to come that way.

"It's a cake, that's what it's for." I took my first bite as well and thought that it was almost the perfect evening. (I thought a birthday kiss from Syaoran would have made everything perfect.) We were laughing and talking in the kitchen when I noticed that Sakura and Syaoran were missing.

I excused myself for a moment. I thought perhaps Syaoran had wandered off. (He hates crowds.) And that Sakura had gone somewhere completely different; maybe she went to the bathroom! It couldn't mean anything just because the two were missing.

I went out the sliding glass door and was about to turn the corner into the side yard (A place Syaoran usually went to get away from others at my house because there's a basketball hoop) when I stopped. There were voices talking and something froze me.

"It's not like there's anyone who doesn't like you." Sakura told Syaoran brightly as I peeked around the corner. Syaoran and her were sitting next to each other, their legs crossed Indian style and Syaoran was rolling the basketball back and forth between his two hands. "Do you really not like crowds that much?"

"They're so stupid." Syaoran continued to roll the ball back and forth. He sounded irritated. "Meiling's friends…they're just…vapid. Meiling's too smart for them." My heart soared at these words. "They just sit there pressuring me to ask Meiling out. It's annoying." My heart sank. I vowed at that moment I would go march back in to the house and tell my friends to shut up! I didn't need their help with getting Syaoran!

"They're just trying to help their friend." Sakura defended my friends. It's weird to think about now but there she was, defending my friends to Sakura. "They know she'll be happiest if she's with you and that's what they want."

"I love you." Syaoran's words were so abrupt that my mouth dropped open in horror and Sakura looked just as stunned as she turned towards him. He stopped rolling the basketball.

"But…but…" Sakura searched for the right words. "But what about Meiling?"

"Meiling…she's like a sister." Syaoran tilted his head to look up at the sky which was many different colors because the sun was almost completely set. Sakura said nothing. "Never mind. It was stupid of me to say that, wasn't it? You and Eriol…"

"No it wasn't!" Sakura shook her head. "How can you say your feelings are stupid?! They're important! They mean just as much as anyone else's feelings do. And I don't like Eriol like that. Besides, he's in love with someone else." Syaoran looked back at Sakura; he was clearly stunned by her words.

"Then what are your feelings?" Syaoran's eyes were so intense…they only looked so intense in my imagination, when I would fantasize about the day he finally told me he was in love with me. Me, not Sakura!

"I…I…" Sakura was choking. Please reject him. Please don't say you love him too! You shouldn't get him! It's so unfair! "I love you." And then their lips met.

It was supposed to me! I was supposed to be Syaoran's first kiss! I was supposed to be the girl he was in love with! I was supposed to be the one he was confessing to! It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair! Why did you fall in love with her?!

I turned and ran, bursting into tears at that moment. I was about to get to the sliding glass door when I ran into someone, but did not fall down. Instantly arms went around me in a comforting fashion.

"Meiling? Are you okay?" Tomoyo's voice asked me, obviously surprised to find me in a state of upset. I just clung to her, the only person around. "Meiling?"

"He's in love with her." Was all I could get out at that moment. I'm sure it didn't make too much sense to Tomoyo as I said it but after a couple of minutes, she must have figured it out because she spoke.

"Oh…oh." Her voice faltered a little and I couldn't think of why. She was stroking my long hair and it was the best comfort I could have asked for. She didn't ask any questions for a couple of minutes, she was silent. "Come on, let's get you to the bathroom and clean you up. The birthday girl shouldn't be absent from her party too long." This kindness only made more hot tears run down my face.

Tomoyo waved away the people who asked what was wrong with me and took me straight to the bathroom. I was a little amazed by her actions as Tomoyo and I hadn't been particularly close, we were just acquaintances really.

I sat down on the toilet; the lid was down so this was a rather convenient seat for the moment. Tomoyo closed the door behind us and got a washcloth damp and began dabbing my face. It was refreshing and I found myself looking at her, her large violet eyes that looked almost sad as she went about her work.

"I know it's hard." Tomoyo put the washcloth down and took hold of my hands. "It's going to be hard to get used to…but you have to get used to it…because no matter what, even when it hurts the worst, it's best that the person you're in love with is happy. Even if they aren't happy with you." The strange way she said these words made me wonder if she too had been in love with someone and they had broken her heart.

I couldn't imagine anyone breaking Tomoyo's heart. She was so beautiful at that moment that I threw my arms around her neck.

"Thanks…thanks…" I whispered, feeling like tears were going to come up again. Tomoyo seemed to understand and just sat there with me, hugging me back.

It all came out after that. Syaoran told me he was sorry, because he had tried to fall in love with me many times, just because he wanted me to be happy, but he just couldn't. He had found his love in a girl with green eyes and brown hair.

Not in me.

Perseverance and determination didn't get me anything.

I threw myself into my own social life, running off to parties and shopping and whatever else I got invited to. I'd show Syaoran that I could go on without him! I could!

Still, I was grateful to Tomoyo for…just being her I guess. So I invited her with me to anything I could and she would come (Unless she already had plans with Sakura). Tomoyo was soft-spoken but still assertive in her own way. My other friends liked her as well.

Maybe that would be my revenge! Sakura could steal Syaoran from me and I would steal her best friend! See how she liked it. But Sakura didn't seem to notice that I was spending more time with her best friend then she was. I thought that proved how selfish she was. She didn't even notice Tomoyo!

"Hey Tomoyo! Do you wanna come to my house after school?" Sakura asked Tomoyo while Tomoyo was going through her locker and I was standing right next to her. Sakura blinked and noticed me. "You can come too if you want Meiling."

"Actually, Tomoyo and I are going to the mall." I announced with a smug and possessive look.

"Oh, that's okay then." Sakura didn't seem phased by this.

"I'm sorry Sakura." Tomoyo apologized and giving the bright-eyed girl an indulgent look. "I already told Meiling I'd go with her. How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's good." Sakura agreed. "Yeah, I'll invite Eriol and Syaoran to come too; we can all hang out that way." Show off! You just want to parade the fact that you have Syaoran in front of me.

"You said you'd help me with my math homework tomorrow." I frowned, remembering what Tomoyo had previously said that day.

"I forgot." Tomoyo gave me an apologetic look.

"That's okay then." Sakura didn't look quite as happy for once. Ha! Take that!

"I'll call you as soon as I get home, okay Sakura?" Tomoyo offered. "After I help Meiling tomorrow, why don't you come over? My mom really likes it when you come over and have dinner with us." I turned to look at Tomoyo, I felt betrayed by this offer. _I_ had never been invited to Tomoyo's house. In fact…Tomoyo never really invited _me_; I always invited her or asked her.

And I always called her. Not the other way around.

Didn't Tomoyo think of me as her friend? Why was I always so easy to cast aside? I turned on my heel and stormed off, not saying anything to either of them. Fine! Fine! If nobody cared about me, I didn't need anybody! I was stronger than that! You can't rely on anyone, can you?!

"Meiling!" Tomoyo's voice called out, coming after me. I didn't turn around because I could feel tears forming and I didn't want anyone to see, especially anyone who just pretended to care.

"Don't talk to me." I stated, trying to make it sound like I was going to cry but my throat felt so tight at that moment. "Just go back to _her_."

"Meiling…" Tomoyo trailed off as I stopped but did not turn to face her. "Why are you upset?"

"Why would you care?" I was still refusing to look at her even though she stepped to try and face me.

"I care because we're friends." Tomoyo laid a tentative hand on my shoulder. "Friends should share with each other."

"Are we really friends?" I asked quietly.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Tomoyo questioned. I turned to look at her and she was looking at me with that gentle, soft expression and try as I might to screw up my face so I wouldn't, I felt the tears spilling over and I threw my arms around her.

But you think of her first…that's what I wanted to say. I wanted someone to think of me first! I was just as great as anyone else. Didn't I deserve that too?

At least when I hugged Tomoyo, she hugged back.

After that, I think Tomoyo seemed to understand what the problem was and invited me to her house and sometimes we would have sleepovers. They were fun but it was kind of strange.

It was kind of strange because my favorite part of our sleepovers was when we went to sleep. Tomoyo and I would share my bed or her bed, depending on whose house we were at, and we would snuggle up together. There was something indescribably nice about another person sleeping next to you, all curled up with you. Tomoyo's sleeping face was so pretty, she looked like a doll.

That's when things started to feel really different. I found I didn't mind Sakura and Syaoran quite so much. It still hurt, but instead of a stabbing pain, it was like a dull ache. And maybe I didn't really hate Sakura.

One time, Tomoyo and I were drinking milkshakes together at a diner when I felt a curious urge to ask a question.

"Hey, Tomoyo…" I trailed off and she looked over at me, the straw still in her mouth, her eyebrows raised curiously. "Do you like anybody?"

"What do you mean?" Tomoyo stopped sipping at her milkshake through her straw. "I like lots of people."

"No, I mean…do you have a crush on anybody?" I inquired.

"Well…" Tomoyo hesitated a little. "I suppose I do."

"Is it Eriol?" I guessed immediately. Tomoyo started giggling and I was confused as to why.

"I don't mean to laugh, it was a very good guess." Tomoyo told me. "I thought everyone could tell about Eriol though."

"What about Eriol?" I was confused.

"He only likes boys." Tomoyo answered and I choked on my milkshake. I didn't really have a problem with it, it just took me by surprise. I always thought Tomoyo and Eriol would have made a good couple, they're both well spoken and they have similar personalities, though Eriol was a bit more devious. Of course, I had always wondered why they had not gotten together but this reason made perfect sense to me. "No, it's someone else."

"Who is it?" I really wanted to know.

"It's not important." Tomoyo looked at her hands, a fond smile playing upon her lips. "They're in love with someone else."

"How do you know that?" I inquired.

"They told me so. Besides, they are with that person. And even when it hurts…I know that they're happiest there. That's what I want." Tomoyo looked over at me. "For them to be happy."

"I don't understand that…" I trailed off. "I guess I do sometimes but still! Don't you want that person to be with you?"

"That would be nice but some things aren't meant to be." Tomoyo commented, looking as though it truly didn't bother her that the person she was in love with was with someone else. "Sometimes I feel selfish and I secretly wish that they would fall in love with me…but it won't happen. Love isn't selfish you know."

"It isn't? I mean, if you love someone, you want them to be with you, not someone else." I was kind of confused at this point.

"Love is something you want to give them." Tomoyo said. I looked at Tomoyo and found myself wishing she would tell me who she was in love with.

What sort of person _would _Tomoyo fall in love with? I figured they'd have to be nice, probably smart, and fun to be around. Tomoyo didn't hang around that many people, other than me and my other friends would tag along a lot but they didn't count because I don't think of them were the type of people Tomoyo would fall in love with. It wasn't Eriol.

I forgot about it for a few days. That was until I went over to Tomoyo's house as a I surprise one day. I was directed in and shown to Tomoyo's media room.

I came in quietly, planning to sneak up on Tomoyo. She would jump and then we'd have a good laugh about it. The huge screen in front of her caught my eye, stopping me where I was.

It was a tape of Sakura, roller-blading down the street. Why was Tomoyo sitting there watching video tape of Sakura? I reminded myself that Tomoyo had a video camera with her when she was around Sakura. She liked to film her.

I don't know why I figured it out. I just did.

Tomoyo was in love with Sakura.

Something felt wrong in my mind. How could Tomoyo be in love with Sakura? Was in everyone in love with Sakura? Why did it bother me so much?

Tomoyo must have sensed someone was in the room because she turned around and smiled when she saw me. In that moment, I knew exactly why it bothered me so much that Tomoyo was in love with Sakura.

It was because I was in love with her.

And once again, it wasn't fair. Sakura had everything. I had the popularity and all the fun I could want and yet…I think I could trade all my invitations and love letters and gossiping friends in for the things Sakura had.

"Oh, you look so sad all of a sudden." Tomoyo got up. "What is it?"

"Nothing." I knew I had to pretend that nothing was wrong. "I'm fine."

But I knew I wasn't. I wanted Tomoyo to figure out my feelings and love me back. Why Sakura? What was it about Sakura that made everyone fall in love with her? There was nothing really special about her. Wasn't I good enough?

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Tomoyo inquired.

"I'm sure." I put on my best cheerful smile. "Watching some tapes?"

"I realized I never got around to watching these." Tomoyo looked back at the screen with that same fond little smile.

"Why do you video tape Sakura so much?" I asked, pretending like I hadn't figured it out already.

"I suppose it's because she's so cute and I want to capture her on film." Tomoyo answered brightly.

"Sounds like you have a crush on her." I teased even though it hurt to think about.

"I haven't taped Sakura in a long time. I miss filming somebody all the time." Tomoyo put a hand to her face, tilting her head to one side.

"You haven't taped her lately?" I asked, a little surprised.

"Nope." Tomoyo shook her head. "Maybe I'll give some of these tapes to Syaoran…I have tapes from when me and Sakura were little kids, he might like those."

"Why would you give your tapes away?" I questioned, shocked by Tomoyo's words. She could watch Sakura through those tapes and be with her in a way, why would she give those up?

"I'll need to make room." Tomoyo took hold of my hands. "I want to film you, Meiling, is that okay?"

I knew that she was really asking me something else and as I looked straight into her eyes, I could tell she was hopeful. Even though Tomoyo always says she wants the person to be happy, she's like me and also wants them to be with her. That's just the way love is.

"Okay." I agreed happily. "You can film me if you want." That's something I could give her easily.

We went on a walk after that, around Tomoyo's house. The sun was setting outside and I got to look up at all the colors of the sky. It was really nice out.

The nicest part was that Tomoyo held my hand the whole time.

And she's been the one whose held my hand ever since.

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Tada! Go me! I finished! I wrote this pretty quickly. Um…well, it turned out well in my opinion. I like Meiling. She's cool and I thought that part in the anime (I think, or maybe it was one of the movies) where she walked off holding Tomoyo's hand was sooo sweet so I had to do a Tomoyo/Meiling fanfic. It got kind of sappy there at the end. Well, please review!


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